Confessions of a Justified Sinner

I hate buying deodorant. I really do. I don't want to smell bad and I wear deodorant everyday, unfortunately when I run out of the stuff I am loathe to spend more money on it. The whole of my life (at least as much as I can remember) I have worn Sure unscented deodorant and antiperspirant. I like this stuff. If I must buy a deodorant it will be this, and the reason is that it works. Not only does it work however, it doesn't smell like anything. I don't want to smell like body odor, but nor do I wish to smell of summer rain mist or what ever the fuck they're calling flowers these days. I don't want to smell of anything. Unfortunately I recently ran out of the stuff, and as a result was forced to go back to the supermarket and purchase more. I decided that instead of going to several different stores and spending time as well as money, I would do all of my shopping at Costco. At Costco my wife and I purchased beer, wine, ground beef, a pork loin and salad, but when it came time to purchase the deodorant, I could not find the brand that I had come to trust. Heather, in her wisdom, said "just get the cheapest, it'll be fine." and I, trusting in her judgment, as always, said, "sure." So I grabbed a four pack of Gillette glide on clear gel mountain spring something or other deodorant, because it was in fact only eight dollars. The next morning, after my shower, when I put the deodorant on, I immediately knew something was different. First of all Sure deodorant looks like a bar of soap in its little plastic applicator, this stuff oozed out of pours in the top, and it smell all wrong. I wore it any way, even though I was certain that it was some form of epoxy that was going to succeed in only gluing my arms to my side. All day long I smelled it. It is not an unpleasant smell, I'm just not used to it, so I kept turning around trying to figure out where the smell was coming from, only to realize moments later, that it was me. And that is only part of the weirdness. That night when I took off my shirt, I noticed something strange. Apparently I had applied way to much of this gluey gel deodorant and it had become tacky throughout the day, making little cobweb patterns connecting my underarm to the shirt. All that aside, however, the new stuff seems to work, and anyway, until I run out I am not going to go deodorant shopping. So I guess I'm stuck with it.