Confessions of a Justified Sinner

I bought a new tooth brush yesterday. It's one of those fancy spinning, bent, extra plastic, echo, vibration, cold fusion do-funnies. I looked at the damn thing last night before bed and decided that my old toothbrush still works fine, so I brushed my teeth with the old beat up model and went to bed. This morning, after my shower coffee and cereal, I went to brush my teeth only to discover that my beautiful wife had thrown away the old toothbrush leaving me with little choice but to brave the new monstrosity. I applied some of my Mentodent to the bristles and turned it on. It hummed quietly and didn't at all seem menacing in any way. It was only after I put it into my mouth I realised that I had been duped. This sumbitchin thing tore my mouth up. It was akin to taking a sandblaster the mount Rushmore. Bits and pieces went flying away that I thought were a natural extension of my canines. I need at this point to tell you that I take good care of my teeth, I have never had a cavity, never had braces, never had my wisdom teeth out and never had any real problems of any sort, other than those of a normal rowdy member of the "Too Much Fun Club," but this was ridiculous. My teeth have been hurting all day. I understand that they are clean, and it's the type of clean you get from the dentist which they tell you is necessary, but you don't really like it much.

Needless to say, this put me in a foul mood, which leads to the second part of today's rant.

While driving to work, all kinds of pissed, I heard many, many radio commercials for politicians and their various bills and proposals. I came to the conclusion that there are just too goddamned many laws. I am a registered voter, and I vote regularly, so what I am about to say may have an impact. I am going to vote no on election day. That's it. No matter what the bill, no matter what the proposal, I am going to vote no. Everybody wants something else to happen, there are too many sacrificial lambs out there and I am just a desperado under the eaves (thank you Warren Zevon, you will be missed), but I think that this mess has gone far enough. Every one, stand up for your personal freedoms, use your right to vote, vote no and tell those bastard politicians that we have had enough.

Vote No.

Today's challenge is to write a poem using only anagrams of my name. Each line of the following poem is an anagram of Todd Christian Elliott.

Addictions Hotter Till
Still It Torn, A Diced Hot
A Diced Thirst Ill No Tot
Sliced Old Tit, A Thin Rot
A Doctrine Shit Lit Dolt
Chilled A Rind Tit Toots
Tilts A Torched Tin Idol
A Dice Doll Hint Tort It
Clothed It A Dirt Tonsil
Hero Antics Did Tilt Lot
Hero Cant Distill Ditto
Island Dice Hot Tilt Rot
Island Cider Tooth Tilt
Addict Relit Hot Tonsil
Addict Hell, Into It Rots


Thank You

I have a problem, and I don't think that there is anything anyone can do about it. My problem is with whores. First of all I need to say I have never personally enjoyed the services of a prostitute, I see them as professionals doing a job and therefore I have no issue with the working women of the night, I just personally have never had a need of their services. My issue is with the hypocrisy of pop-culture. Whores and hookers are derided and made to feel like outcasts. They are outlawed and hunted down by law enforcement officers, and they have legislation constantly levied against them. But to make matters worse, these hard working women are arrested and prosecuted by men and women who will then go home at night and get emotionally touched by movies like "Pretty Woman," or "Breakfast at Tiffany's." Movies about Whores. Lets face it folks, We want the Cinderella story of these films but we don't want to see them for what they are. If any of you out there Knew the women from these films you would not pass the time of day with them, yet you can feel for them on the big screen. Why? My belief is because the whores in these films are attractive women. It is physical beauty that sets them apart and gives them carte blanche in regards to societies moral compass. Again, I have no problems with a hooker, serving a purpose and fulfilling a need with the worlds oldest profession, I just think that legislation and societies mind need to be changed, other wise the lesson from "Black Dahlia," that is Whores get killed, will go unheeded and the loss of life and a mis-guided righteousness will prevent us from truly enjoying the fruits of these women's labor.

the same issue ties in with the hit television show "Friends." My wife really enjoys this program and I admit it is pretty funny, however, I do not understand the affection that the world seems to have for Jennifer Aniston's character. She is a whore. In the show she got her first job in her 20's and still seemed to expect everything to be handed to her. She slept around constantly with whatever glamorous boy happened to walk through the door and always seemed to trod on Ross's feelings. Not that he didn't deserve it 'cause he was completely wet, but that's neither here nor there. Finally they hook up after ten long years of repeating jokes and orgies and all seems well. Flash forward to Jennifer Aniston after friends. Brad Pitt left her for Angelina Jolie, which I'm pretty sure all of you know. I don't understand the outrage. I mean, yes cheating is bad and that sucks, but to hold a grudge against people you don't because of a situation that we are not involved in is silly. Further more, America seemed to take Aniston's side in this mess because she is the "cleaner" looking one. Our real problem, it would appear, is that we judge on looks alone with out delving into the facts of a case or even caring what they are.

I guess I shouldn't complain, I'm beautiful enough to get away with murder.

Here's the thing...I kinda want a slave. Now before people get angry with me and call me a racist, I need to tell you that there is not a bigoted bone in my body. I do not want a slave that is a different race, I want to do it like the Romans did. I want to take over another territory and capture the opposing army as slaves, and then, after a time, offer them the opportunity to become citizens in the land of Todd. I think I would be a good slave master, I really just want somebody to do my laundry and do the dishes. That's it. I think that then we could go on to form our country and have free run of the place. No taxes and fun is mandatory... yeah that's it. I don't really have anywhere to go with this, so I'll end by saying Rome lasted for 500 years give or take, and My little country has only been in existance for 30.

I'm not wealthy. Just thought I should get that out there. I am a middle of the road, hand to mouth, paycheck to paycheck kinda guy. That being said, I do not believe that it is anyone's responsibility to take care of me but me. Especially not the government. I hate legislation that protects me from myself. Or that protects me from others but strips my liberties. I believe in a capitalist system, because dammit, it's fun, and there are many goods and services that are offered to me the consumer. Unfortunately this particular economic theory also results in shit-holes like wal-mart, sam's club, and cost-co. These are places that are robbing from the American people by offering lower prices and bulk Avocados. Not stealing money, but stealing livelyhoods. Closing down family owned and operated businesses and destroying small towns. Nothing is sadder or more disgusting then to walk through the Cost-co parking lot and witness the sea of people queuing up for mass produced pizza and hot dogs at the cost-co restaurant, or the mechanical crank onions. The truly sad thing is that I am torn by this. Completely rent in two on my views. On one hand I want to support small, locally owned business and the American worker. On the other hand I support the capitalist system with all of it's flaws and freedoms. I also save money at cost-co. It hurts me, but I shop there anyway, because I can get a life time supply of Toilet paper for pennies on the dollar. I guess I need to ask my-self what the true cost is, or if it even matters. What can I do? I'm a justified sinner who likes his gin and blood oranges. What difference can I make, and does it even matter?

Not much to say at first. Merely an introduction. This is going to be the supplemtental blog to "The Too Much Fun Club." It is true that I am a sinner. I have lived a life of decadence and wanderings. And it is true that I have made bad choices both for my self and for others. I regret nothing however, because life is way too short to use up your time with regrets and "shouldas." This blog will exist as a justification for choices made and as explanation for those that don't understand.

As a greater man then myself self once said, "Someday, there'll be a cure for pain. That's the day I throw my drugs away."